Went to the doctor today finally - and I have an ear infection. So I'm on Augmentin (yuck) and feel horrible after taking it. Went it because I'd noticed that I can't hear. My mom yelled at me for going to the doctor today - especially since we don't have any toilet paper - but I answer the phone for a living!! I have to be able to hear. Anyway - he's also referring me to an ENT due to scarring on my eardrum that he thinks may also be a factor. Oh, well. Guess I'll have to learn how to talk on the phone with my other ear. I've already moved my phone to the other side of my desk to make it harder to use on the usual side. So far I still keep using it on the bad ear, and have to keep switching so I can hear. On one side I get the "Charlie Brown" effect ("Wah wah waa-wah wah wah-wah wa") and on the other side it's totally normal. I didn't feel bad before other than these damn headaches.
As for other stuff - k1 is back to being a pain the ass - so I guess we're fully recovered from surgery. K2 is up all night again and trying to sleep all day but everybody is working on keeping the kiddo up. Also k2 puked in the bathtub last night so we had to bathe all over again. Joy. K3 is being a typical 4yr old. Also a pain in the ass. I swear that sometimes I just want to run away.
I still have a strong dislike for my mother. I am offically so overdrawn at the bank that my entire next paycheck will only barely cover it. And her only answer for that? I should manage my money better. OK - I guess I COULD so that. But I still would be overdrawn. Because I DON'T MAKE MUCH MONEY TO BEGIN WITH. Sheesh.
Trying to quit smoking (again) in an effort to save money and also because I'm incredibly broke and can't go buy any.
Good thing for today: Left the Dr. with a goody bag full of pharmaceuticals. Better Living Through Chemistry. hairakat Wednesday, June 26, 2002
Saturday, June 22, 2002
I hate my mother. There - I said it. I hate her. I know I should be over hating her since I left my teen years over a decade and a half ago. But. But. She's just unbearable. Today was the so bad....
It just happens to be my anniversary today. Now this would usually be a cause for celebration, but since I am in the middle of a horrible, bitter divorce it's just another day of intense pain and loneliness. So a friend of mine, knowing this, asks me out to a movie and dinner. But K1 has to work. And mom decides - after knowing about this for over two weeks - that she's going in to work tonight. So I cancel my plans and spend the day with the kids. Not a bad day altogether, but still...
Then, the bank is still giving my crap over the car. My mom co-signed with me so she got a love letter from them too - she has the audacity to call mye and tell me that she can't take the stress of it and I have destroyed her credit. Never mind that my credit is ok - not great, but ok. Never mind that she has 27 (yes 27) credit cars and all of them are maxed out. Never mind that I made my car payment in cash and three days early. She still is convinced I have ruined her credit. And she will go to her grave convinced of it. That settles it - I am either going to borrow $$ from my boss and get him to finance my car or I am going to trad the damn thing in and get her name off of it altogether. I don't care if I have to pay twice what I'm paying now. I just need her off my ass.
She went to the doll show last weekend and spent about $700. But she made me feel so bad for buying k2 new shoes and 3 sets of t-shirts/shorts at Wal-Mart that I wound up taking it all back. (All $25) Yes - I have a computer and my kids have tons of toys - but most of the toys are either from her or my previous stay-at-home mom life. Sheesh. I can barely afford to feed these kids on what I make. You think she'd help me out instead of constantly complaining how horrible my kids are, how my house is always a mess, and then eating all my food and complaining I have nothing to eat.
Anyway - she's always been like this so why am I surprised? Guess I'm just a slow learner.
Been a couple of days since I've had time to breathe, much less blog. But I'm beginning to miss it.
So I'm sitting here looking busy and hoping to get out of here around closing time tonight. Last night we were here until an hour after closing and my mom was livid when I got home to the kiddos. Went to the bookstore and bought a book on Catholicism. No, I'm not Catholic. But I've been interested, and so thought I'd look into it.
Other than that not alot of news. K2 informed us that the reason we are staying up all night is to protect the house. I explained that it's the dog's job to protect the house, and k2's job to do well in school and keep toys picked up. Last night we were in bed asleep around 8pm, and attitude was much improved, kiddo room was spotless. Geez - if I'd known that was the root of our problems I'd have laid it out months ago when this all started. K3 gave me fits though - screaming and crying in the bookstore - kicking and screaming in the car - screaming in the house - screaming locked in the bedroom - screaming at supper - just screaming and crying over every little thing. I gave motrin and a milkshake. We were also asleep be 8pm.
Took the kiddos to a local wonder playground today - just got tired of being in the house and it was unusually nice weather today. It was cloudy and mid-70's. Great playground weather. I actually studied my organic chemistry some and the kiddos had a great time. Though when I got home k1 still hadn't done crap for housework. And since I spent most of the day at the playground I didn't get much done.
Right now oldest is watching MTV and making fun of Will Smith's over-done lip sync. Still want to MIB2 though. And I still haven't seen Star Wars. I hate it that I can't indulge my Sci-Fi self with the kiddos around - alot of it is too intense for them. At least k1 like sci-fi to a point. And in return I listen to her music with her - though a great deal of it sucks. Maybe it would sound better if I were stoned?? She likes rap - which I really don't care for. At least she shared my hatred of counrty music.
Good thing for today: Watching kiddos play nice together and with other kids - just being kids. hairakat Monday, June 17, 2002
Sunday, June 16, 2002
Yesterday was another "sleep all day" Saturday where I got nothing done. I wonder why I've been getting such bad migranes lately. So today I have TONS of housework to do. Actually I did manage to clip the dog yesterday - I decided to just go ahead and shave her. She looks really funny right now, but it will grow out in a few weeks and then she'll be really cute. It's extremely hot here -and she's a long-haired black dog. I can tell she feels loads better, even though she looks bad.
As for today - well, it's housework day today. k3 is sitting over my shoulder bugging the stew out of me instead of eating breakfast. K1 and k2 are still asleep - and I have the distinct feeling that even though I haven't been home to make any of this mess, I will be the only one cleaning it up. While everybody else whines and cries about not being allowed to do anything and refuses to help with the housework. And I wonder why I'm getting migranes.
The air is out at work. So basically I have nothing to do since it's only about 200 degrees in my office, so I've been hanging out in the stock room with my laptop and no internet connection at all updating some stuff and working the sales floor.
Chemistry club meeting tonight really sucked. Our new president basically announced that he doesn't care about it and just wanted to be president to have something to put on his resume. Last year my friends and I spent alot of time and effort getting it off the ground now it's probably just going to crash and burn. I hate that.
Now I'm home and k3 is crying because of recently applied discipline measures to stop the simultaneous jumping on the couch and torture of the cat. Tough, kid. No brownies for you. Even though they will be out of the oven in about five minutes or so. My entire apartment smells all chocolatey. Yum Yum.
Good thing for today: Me advisor announced he & his wife are having a baby!! hairakat Friday, June 14, 2002
This was fun, and told me what I already knew anyway - how good it was to re-visit my high school days. Especially since they are planning our 15-year reunion...... hairakat Wednesday, June 12, 2002
Monday, June 10, 2002
Haven't posted in a few doays - no particular reason - just totally unmotivated.
Had a Mommy-k2 day Saturday. Went to see "Spirit" and then to the mall and to feed the ducks at the park. Found out that k2 is terrified of ducks, but once I sat on the bench with k2 in my lap and let the ducks and geese eat out of my hand we were OK. Picked up k1 from work and k3 from my mom's and we all went to the mall again. K1 had to blow entire paycheck on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. Also got some jewelry that resembles a dog collar, reminding me of my teen years when I wore an actual dog collar as a necklace.
K2 is back to the sleep all day, up all night thing. Just called home and they are trying to get k2 up and promising a trip to the pool and bike riding. But kiddo is still asleep. We were up till 5:30 this morning. I can't leave this kid alone because I wake up to the litter of all the science experiments this kid tries to do. Sunday moring I woke up to find a huge knife and peices of watermelon rind all over my bed. I checked all over k2 for cuts and found everything OK, but I'll be installing new child-proof latches on all my cabinets as soon as I can find the ones that lock with a magnetic key.
Grocery shopping last night - totally filled up my cart. It was great. And the kiddos were pretty good too. After we got home I made pizza for all the kids (including the three that came over to see k1) finished reading the first Harry Potter book to k2 and k3. Tonight we will start on the next one. Personally I lover Harry Potter and my little ones are just now starting to get into it. My oldest and I read all four of the books last fall in about a week. And we are desperate for the next one to come out. I guess I'll just have to bide my time by reading the books to the little ones. At a chapter a night it goes considerably slower than when I read them by myself. Though I do try to do different voices(accents included) for most of the characters.
Did get another bird last night - a cockateil named Izzy. He bites - alot - so the kids are scared of him. But he's just not used to us. My parakeet loves him and I think they will be good friends. The cats are also quite fond of him. Hamster turned up again last night so put her in her new cage. Other than that things are non-eventful. This evening Izzy's former mom is bringing over the rest of his things. She's sad to leave him but she's doesn't want to take him with her when she moves.
So here I am goofing off again today. Been reading random blogs again - a habit I think I will stop. It's WAY too depressing.
Most bloggers are either disaffected college students, whiny high school kids, or affluent yuppies with too much time on their hands. Am I the only poverty-stricken single working mother in college out here? I guess so. Once more I am alone. Should be used to it by now anyway.
On a more uplifting note - paid my rent yesterday and we're going to the grocery store tonight. My kids want watermelon. It feels so good to be able to buy food for my kiddos. I know a lot of you out there probably have no clue how it feels to be so poor that a trip to the grocery store is something to look forward to. Let me tell you, it really sucks.
And for the lovely person who commented on how I have internet access and yet complain about being so poor - I'd like to remind you that I do work - have worked - at this same job for several years, and we have net access here, as do the public libraries in my area, and the college I attend. My boss has been gracious enough to allow me to have dial-up access from home so I can do quite a bit of my work at home during the semesters when I'm out of the office due to classes. Though I gripe about him I do reaaly appreciate him and his wife. Yes, I do have a computer at home. I had that before I was a poor single mother. So, I'd really like it if you'd get off your high horse.
Enough ranting for today. Big plans for tomorrow include getting a new bird!!! One of my neighbors is moving and is giving my oldest shild a cockateil. I can't wait. Also planning on cleaning the carpets in th eliving room if I have the time. k2 spilled rolled oats all over the floor sometime during the night and I discovered this just as I was walking out the door to come to work this morning.
I feel so awful today. Worse than yesterday for sure. At least me boss isn't here so I've been basically goofing off all day long - I even took a nap during my lunch hour. It was nice - would have been nicer of it hadn't been so hot outside as I napped in my car. My boss would have killed me. Oh well, at least it was on my time and in my car. We had one person who worked her that crawled under one of the racks and took a nap once.
My mom is upset with me because there is very little food in the house and this morning I was sick and still went to work instead of staying home with the kids and letting her leave. I'm getting more rest here than at home anyway. Though as soon as I get home tonight I'm going to crash in my bed and let my oldest order pizza.
Found a baby bird on the ground under my car. Put it in a safer spot in the tree near where I park and last time I looked it's mommy was feeding it.
Ugh I feel terrible. I was flat on my back all day yesterday, and probably should be today too except for the little fact that I have to work. My rent will be late this month since I couldn't get my check to the bank before today and I have to pay with a money order. Sucks. Oh Well. What a horrible way to begin my next thirtysomething year on the planet.
I've actually been productive today, except for my stupid laptop keeps crashing. Other than that I've gotten the stupid catalog program loaded and some of the products updated. Which reminds me that I need to put myself down as site administrator. I've been so busy getting the damn thing to work I haven't even given myself credit for it.
I just took 2 Advil and 2 Tylenol so I'm hoping that I'm feeling better before time to go home. My kids are throwing a surprise party for me. So I can't just curl up in a hole and die, I have to actually be sociable as my family is going to be there. And I've done enough in my life to alienate them so I don't want to screw up anything else. When it was just me I didn't care if I ever saw that bunch of back-stabbing idiots ever again, but now I know if anything ever happens to me, my kids will need them. So I go through the motions and accept the blame for everything and swallow the few shreds of pride I still have so my kids will have a family. And I pray that I live to see them all grown up.
OK, so I'm in a horrible mood today. Like I said, I feel like crap.
Work wasn't too bad today - though working on Saturday sucks. Also I woke up with a fever and generally felt like crap. So I took Advil and off to work I went. And Gena brought me a cake!! So it wasn't a bad birthday after all.
Now I'm making meatloaf and putting the kids to bed early. Whoo Hoo. Birthdays really change when you get old like me. OK - so 33 isn't that old. But today I feel ancient. And the kids aren't helping. I'm not really doing anything for my birthday. First of all, no friends as mentioned before. Also we're so incredibly broke I have no money to do anything fun for myself. So I'm here talking to myself and trying not to feel sorry for myself.
At least I got paid today. Though the banks are closed today so I couldn't do anything about it. And rent was due today. So I'll be paying it Monday and convieniently forget that on the third I have to add a late fee.