Today the fundraiser I hate the most in the whole world was sent home. They send home this booklet of postcards and we are supposed to fill them out (10 in a book) and send them back to school. We have to provide 10 unique addresses in the booklet, and they suggest mining the Christmas Card list.
I hate this fundraiser on many, many levels. First of all, I'm not really sure how much money the school will really get from all of this. I mean, once they pay for the fabulous prizes the kids get when they turn in the booklet, and the big party each class with 100% participation will have, will there be any funds left over from this fundraiser???? I know the schools need money. I undertand that things are tight here and we have to raise funds to buy books and such. OK. But after the lecture we got at the last PTA meeting at the High School from the principal that we don;t pay enough in taxes, and now the elementary school trying to buy my Christmas card list, I'm just annoyed.
Anyway, I started to do what I did last year - fill in the names of state politicians with a little note about how cutting costs in other areas of might mean more money for the schools. Then I got another bright idea. I went through the worst textbooks I could find, and sent them to the authors of those books in care of the publisher. So my child now has 10 unique addresses, and will get the fabulous prize for turning in the booklet, and none of my firends or neighbors have to be annoyed. That way they'll be in a good mood when Girl Scout Cookie Time rolls around.
Of course the governor and my state reps will get a postcard - they've been getting one every year for a couple of years now. I don't want them to worry.....
One of my relatives blew through town today - one that I only see once every three years or so. So of course, my entire family (me, the kiddos, my mom, my aunt, uncle, two cousins, one cousin-in-law, and their kids) all had to go out to lunch with them. We went to one of those all-you-can-cram buffet restaurants. Joy. I hate things like this. I brought toys for the kids (each had their own backpack full) and so my kids played with all the related kids very well, very little fighting. But I constantly feel like I'm under the microscope. Nothing I ever do is quite good enough. So I spent most of the time at the kids' table wishing I were home studying and cleaning. Especially since I worked yesterday and the house is a wreck.
I got the standard lecture about how I take advantage of my mom, even though I bought her lunch, payed her phone bill, and I DO feed her all the time and make sure her car gets serviced. OK. Whatever. I just smile and nod. I've found in my life that's it's much easier to just agree with these people than argue. I see them at Christmas, Thanksgiving, and whenever some obscure relation rolls into town or passes through (as was the case today). So maybe three or four times a year I have to deal with these people. They are all plannig a huge shin-dig this at my aunt's in Nashville this Thanksgiving. I think I work that day - yes, yes, I do work that day. So sorry I can't spend three days and two nights with you people while staying in some cheap motel in Tennessee. Oh, well.
Did find out that one of the younger cousins now has multiple body piercings, a huge tatoo of a spider, and a blue mohawk. He goes to college in Mobile. Cool. Though the family was rather disappointed that I wasn't scandalized by it. Also since I'm a single mom again I've dropped several notches in the eyes of the family. When I was married I was always included in stuff. Now I'm not. I'm the only one of my cousins to be divorced, not once but *gasp* twice.
Otherwise I've had a very tiring weekend. I worked at the store Saturday and had customers follow me in the door as I unlocked it. Wouldn't even give me a chance to turn off the alarm or boiot up the registers. And neiother of the other girls showed up until almost 11, so I was by myself for 2.5 hours. And we had anywhere from 3-10 customers all day. And all of them were HORRIBLE. I tell 'ya, working in retail has given me a whole new attitude when shopping.
I'm now gearing up for my last week there. I've cleaned out my corner in the office I share with the manager, and have taken all my stuff off of this laptop since I have to give it back. I'm kinda sad to be going, but I feel like this is a good move for me.
And speaking of moving, I have decided that instead of taking my kiddos to Disney this summer I'm moving instead. I'd like to rent a house in this school district, but even if we have to live in another apartment, I need to get out of here. This place is quickly becoming a slum.
Good thing for today: No more obligatory family time for a couple of months. Oh, I think I have to work. ;) hairakat Sunday, September 22, 2002
Thursday, September 19, 2002
Well, even though my kiddos have dumped the new bucket of kitty litter all over my living room floor, and the motor on my vacuum gave up while I was trying to get it up, I am having a better day. All the arrangements for my new job are coming together nicely. And I got a B on my Economics test. 28 people in the class got D's or F's. So I wasn't one of the 5 who got an A. I probably could have done better had I studied. As it is, I'm happy since my other two test grades this week were an F and a D respectively.
I've been talking to people I know about the whole fathers forgetting their kids thing. I got a rather odd reply to medic's reply which I chose to delete because it was, well, weird. Anyway, the bf and I talked today, and he's in sort of the same boat, except it's his wofe who's the jerk. But he agrees that he is the exception to the rule. I asked a few guys I know if they could walk away from their kids. They all said no, but then again, if I'd thought my ex would just up and walk away from the kids I wouldn;t have married him. What burns me even more than him walking away from his own kids is the fact he CHOS to adopt my oldest. It wasn't even my idea, then he up and leaves.
Well, I'm sure we'll have more on this topic as my court date draws closer.
Now thanks to medic119 for this great diversion into mindlessness....
Today was one of those days that made me just want to curl up in a corner and hide. I got the lowest grade in the class on my p-chem test (though he's letting me re-take it), I got yelled at when I got to work, my mom is still being a bitch, and my youngest child has been running a fever since Monday. My house is a wreck and I had it spotless Sunday. I have to get rid of one of my dogs, and I am so broke I'd have to get money to be poor.
And so I've been wondering why I'm in this situation. Well, I guess because I married the wrong man. I knew well before my wedding this was the case, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. And I really thought it was me that was wrong. I thought I was a horrible person, and I deserved it, maybe I did. But I tried to make it work. I really did. I went to all the marriage seminars and classes and read my Bible every day and did all of things a "good Christian wife" is suppsed to do. But it wasn't enough. I thought that maybe it was because I was a horrible person and didn't deserve to be happy. But I knew my kids did so I put on a happy face and tried to make everyone think I had a wonderful life and a great marriage, including my husband.
So now I'm alone. And I don't miss him. He never calls or writes, and certainly never sends money. So what I'm wondering is how he can let his kids suffer. I know he wants me to suffer. No big deal. I've been suffering for seven years. I'm used to it. But my kids? How can he stand it knowing that they may be going to bed hungry? What about the fact that they don't have any clothes that fit? Or that they don't have warm coats if it gets cold? How can he just sit by and let this happen? He's the one that left. Not that I'm sorry he's gone, but how could he do this to his kids?
My oldest child's father has very very little involvement. He used to send money once in a blue moon or so, but he gave up his rights so my ex could do the adoption thing. And we haven't heard fom him in six years. Do men just not love their kids? How can a man produce a child and then just walk away from it like it doesn't exist? I would do ANYTHING for my kids that it was in my power to. How can they just walk away and start new lives with new people without ever looking back? With no qualms about leaving THEIR OWN CHILDREN behind?
Maybe it's the fact that we carry them in our bodies for nine months or so, nurse them at our breasts, change most of their diapers, kiss most of their owies, sing most of their lullabyes, and calm most of their fears. Maybe that's how we can endure anything for the sake of our kids, while they can just pretend the kids don't exist, or shrug off their responsibility by rationalizing that the mother is to blame. But one would think (at least from a female perspective) that a man would not be able to walk away from his child so easily.
Now, before the flames begin, I know their are women who abandon their children, and men who are great dads and would do anything for their kids. But I have noticed that these cases are the exception rather than the rule.
After a pretty ood day I had to run by mom mom's house house to pick up the kiddos. I was late getting off of work and so she picked them up. Heaven Forbid that she should have to go out of her way to help me out in any way, shape or form. Well, I shouldn't put it that way. She has been paying my car insurance for over a year now. So that's really nice of her. But she does spend most of the day at my house, and she does go through ALL the food. And I DO cook supper for her at least twice a week. So I she ha said since I was feeding her we could call it even.
Well now she decides she can;t pay my car insurance anymore. She just got a raise, but she can't pay it. But she can still eat at my house I bet. Anyway, during this month my paycheck has been cut in half, as have my foodstamps. But my rent went up over $100. During the summer when I was working full time I was going through all that BS with the bank over my car and so I was making two car payments a month. So, I'm broke. I'm broker than broke. And now I have to add car insurance to that. Terrific. Why she chooses to tell me on a day when I haven't gotten any sleep, I have two tests the next day, the kids are whiny and hungry, and I've had a crappy day at work is beyond me.
I brought the kids home - the little ones fell asleep in the car and are still out - and made rice for dinner. Just rice. That's all. Because even though I went grocery shopping last Teusday and brought home tions of stuff, it's all gone. My mom eats like a hobbit. And as I mentioned before I'm broke so I can't go to the store until Friday (payday) and that's only if I get the payables done in time to go to the bank.
I wish she wouldn't hit me with this. It's not my fault she has 10 maxed out credit cards an forgot to pay her phone bill for the past three months. It's not my fault that whenever I give her money to help out with bills she blows it all on those stupid collectible houses she has a ton of. So now I'm off to look for affordable car insurance. Wish me luck. An thank you for listening to me bitch. I feel better now.
Good thing for today: Only 6 more days I have to go in in the office before I'm gone!!!!
I admit it. It all started at the Super Target near my house. That's where I found these little wonders. As you may know, I pulled an all-nighter last night cramming for my p-chem test. And now I'm making it through the day courtesy of caffienated peppermints.
They taste OK, but have a little bitter aftertaste. But hey - I'm awake!!!!
After getting the kiddos in bed I made a pot of coffee and prepared to pull an all-nighter studying for my p-chem test. Since I had the cable cut off (too expensive) I went to put on my LOTR DVD. And it's GONE!!!!. The case is there, the special festures disc is there, but the movie is gone.
I checked everywhere it could possibly be and still couldn't find it. Oh, well. I've just put Harry Potter on instead. It's been awhile since I've watched it. And it's almost as long as LOTR. See, I study until the movie is over, then if I'm almost done I go take a nap, then I get up and finish studying. If I still havbe alot to do I re-start the movie. Since the kiddos are all asleep it gives me some background noise.
Anyway, I'm off to finish studying.
Good thing for today: Middle child well enought to return to school.
Hmmm..... This would probably come as quite a shock to those who knew me in highschool, but this may be right on, especially the caring for kids and animals part. And I have been completely chaste for the last 5.5 years or so. Maybe the sisters would take me back into the order???? Oh, except for the not being Catholic part.
I got the job - I guess I already told everybody. I go for my drug test teusday and orientation a week from Monday. So I turned in my notice. Which means my last week at this job I'll be taking as vacation since I don't get it when I leave unless I take it. But when it comes down to it I hate to leave. I'll be losing my laptop. And no DSL which I use all the time at work. Oh well. This new job pays SOOO much better than the one I'm leaving. And I'll be home four days a week so I'll be here with the kids more.
I tried to train my soon to be former boss in what I do. Sheesh. Why doesn't he jst allow me to continue doing this on a consultancy basis? Then I'd have extra cash coming in. But, then again, that's how this job started, and I was slowly roped in to having to come into the office every day and being paid hourly instead of per job. I guess he figured I was cheating him (I wasn't). Oh well. I won;t be in the office again, except to clear out my desk and drop stuff off. The rest of my time will be spent here gathering stuff up and transferring junk from the laptop to my old desktop.
No other big news here. I need to start studying for my p-chem test and my economics test. And catch up on my biochem reading. My middle child has been home sick since Wednesday, but seems to feel better now.
Yesterday I called the bank manager and asked her why they wouldn't take my money. I also asked her why two payments I had made previously were never applied. She said she'd call me back, but I could make the payment at lunch time. OK. Ten minutes later the repo man shows up to take my car. Let me remind everybody that I do not drive a Lexus, but a 4yr-old mid-sized american-made sedan. I owe about twice what the car's worth. And if they repo it I have NO way to work, so they can't get anything if they sue me. Anyway, my manager throws the repo man off the property and takes my car to her house. Then we go together to the bank, where they proceed to fall all over themselves and, after asking for something in writing saying just WHY they won't take the payment, they take it an promise to audit my account. So no more repo. And since they were charging me for insurance (which I already had) they probably owe me. So in the end after a horrible day things turned out pretty good.
So, children, today's vocabulary words are:
Attorney - by saying that my attorney wanted me to bring something back in writing I put the fear of God into them. I wasn't just blowing smoke (or so they thought.)
State Banking Commision - It is against State Banking Commision rules to refuse payment on an interest bearing account for any reason. Though they won't tell you this. And since I brought up that name they thought I know what I was talking about.
In Writing - By asking for something in writing that they knew was against Banking Commission regulations they became afraid and did what they should have done all along - taken my car payment.
So now I am totally caught up and it feels great. I have another payment due next week. And after I make that I'll be totally flat broke again.
I start training at my new job this weekend, though I won;t leave my old one until the end of the month.
I know what today is. Of course I do. A year ago today I was sitting in my art class when "it" happened. I sat in the Student Center watching everything unfold on TV and was awed at the number of cell phones I saw. Everybody was on the phone. Even me. I didn't lose anybody, but have three friends who worked in the WTC and one in the Pentagon. Everybody was either out of the office or able to get out OK. After everything we kept in really close touch and vowed we'd not lose touch again. But I think we are because our emails are less frequent and I have the feeling we'll back to Christmas cards only before long. It's just hard to stay close to somebody a million miles away when you both have lives, kids, jobs, etc.
But that's not the tangent I wanted to follow today. I wanted to remind everyone that today is September 11. It's Josh's birthday. He's 21. We went to a bar and I bought him a drink tonight. I haven't been in a bar in 10 years. He admitted it wasn't as fun as he'd thought and didn't even finish his beer. Today is September 11. It's Amanda's birthday. She's 16 today. Her brother was buried on this date 4 years ago. I never understood why her parents couldn't have waited a day. I dropped K1 off at her house for the big sweet 16 birthday bash. Today is September 11. It's Steven's birthday. I don't know how old he is, but I'd guess late 20's or early 30's. He shopped in my store today and had two buttons on his lab coat. The first was "I'm the Birthday Boy" and the second was "Let Freedom Ring." Today is September 11. Madeline was born today. 7lbs 12 oz. 21 in. Head full of jet black hair and the sweetest little dimple on her left cheek. Her big brother is my youngest child's best friend.
Life rolls on. And though we say we'll never forget, we will. In 25 years the events of this past year will take up a page in school history books. In 50, a paragraph. In 100, maybe a sentence. Sad, but true. Hopefully this future footnote in the history books will not be the first of many like it, and worse. But here's to Josh, Amanda, Steven, and Madeline just the same.
The past few days hve been a total blur of kids, doctors, school, work. I know sleep is in there somewhere, but can't remember where. Before anyone panics the kids are fine. K2 had an asthma attack Sunday but we are OK now. Spent a couple of hours in the ER getting nebulized. No big deal to us now. We sat coloring and looking at books without making a peep. I wish we'd get a nebulizer at home so I wouldn't have to drive across town then wait and wait to have the kid treated. I KNOW when we're having an asthma attack. I could hook kiddo up at home. Anyway - we now have a new rescue inhaler, locked up in a storage cabinet in my closet. Not easy to get to, but then again, that is a plus around here.
Studied my butt of for my Biochem test. Still didn't get all 20 amino acids memorized, but I think I did OK. Most of the questions were essay and basically logic oriented instead of memory oriented. So that is in my favor. Went by the bank to pay my car payment and they refused it. Flat refused to take it. I took by $800 cash. I'm only a month behind, and this would have brought me up to date and then some. Sheesh. I'm so mad at them. It's like they WANT to repo my car. Good luck to them trying to re-sell it.
Also, looks like I got the job I interviewed for. I start the 29th. My boss is pissed, but he'll get over it. Went to see the rheumatologist. Since NSAIDS are so rough on my stomach, and since I don't really want to go back on prednisone long-term again, he brought up the "c" word. Chemotherapy. Now, I never thought my Lupus was that bad but apparently my bloodwork says different, and maybe that's why I've been feeling so bleah lately. Wonder what vital organ my body has decided to attack now. Guess we'll find out.
To celebrate the new job and doing well (I think) on my first test of the semester, and to take my mind off the jerks at the credit union, I took my kiddos to the mall. Just the youngest 2 as K1 and girlfriend just broke up so k1 decided to stay in bedroom and mope. Went to the Disney store and got DVD of schoolhouse rock!! Every single one of them is on this DVD. Hooray!!! We've been watching it since we got home. K1 even managed to creep out of the cave for a few minutes to watch "Electricity" and "Interplanet Janet" before telling me we are never leaving the house again. Teenagers.....
Other than that there isn't anything else going on. Except the usual. I don't know if I should laugh (new job, doing OK in school) or cry (car payment, kid with angst).
I feel horrible again today- this time it's more upper respiratory than anything. But I have tons to do and the kiddos are driving me insane. Oh well. One of the good things about having an over-active immune system is I don't stay sick for long. Which brings up the question: is it better to be horribly sick for only a day or two, or slightly ill for several days? I dunno. I'd pick slightly ill, but then again I hate being sick.
Did hear back about the job yesterday, looks like I'll get it. Hooray!! I'll only be working 3 10-hr shifts a week. So I'll be working less days, more hours, and getting 1.46 more an hour. AND better insurance. I guess things are maybe possibly starting to look up. Now I just have to draft my 2 week notice. Can't wait to turn that in. Maybe I'll go back to working in a consultancy basis, that way I won't have to lose my laptop. My boss "gave" this laptop to me so he could track my work, but I'm allowed to use it for personal use. But when he did that he started paying my hourly instead of per job. Which sucks. So now I'm hopefully moving on.
Now I just need to start studying for my biochem test and my biophysical chemisty homework. I have to memorize the structure, pKa's, pKi, and pH for all 20 of the main amino acids, as well as basic protein sturcure and formation. The protein stuff is easy, but I keep getting the amino acids all screwed up. I made flashcards with each of the amino acids, and all the other stuff and tried playing match with them, but my kids, dogs, and cats seem to think that the middle of these cards is a great place to be.
Heard from bf last night - he's moving into a really cute house in Nashville and wanted me to come up next weekend if I can, but I'm working. Oh, well.
Good thing for today: The weathes seems to be cooling off a little bit.
I am in a particularly giddy mood today - maybe I'm suffering from the oppressive HEAT we have here. And my Economics class let out early, so I am sitting in the Library blogging. The rules of the library are as follows:
No food, drink, tobacco products, or loud noise in the Library! PLEASE
Workstations in the Information Arcade are for Library research & Educational PURPOSES ONLY.
No recreational use, chat, games, etc...
Thirty minute time limit when others are waiting.
Some workstations require a (my school) (my mascot) ID.
Workstations print to the Circulation desk.
Printing is $0.10 per page.
NO printers, copiers, or circulation services 15 minutes prior to closing.
Please ask for information or assistance at the public desks. Thank You.
OK, so I have a snack, a drink, and a pack of smokes in my bookbag, I'm doing this, which can probably be stretched to include research or education, and I've been on here over an hour (though there are plenty of computers and nobody is waiting.) I'm such a bad girl. I do have a Google window that I pop up every now and again when the lady at the circulation desk turns her head around.
Well, I'm off the check my auctions on eBay and the book I ordered from amazon. Have a nice day everybody....
Good thing for today: Didn;t fall asleep in Economics. First time Ever!!!
Spent yesterday feeling gross all day, and feel a bit worse today. Not sick. But gross. If I didn't know better I'd swear I was pregnant. The only thing I can tolerate without getting nauseous is slightly sweetened coffee and animal crackers. And this morning I almost lost it while making ham-n-cheese sandwiches for the kiddos. I know, however, it must either be something I ate or some bug going around. I can't possibly be pregnant, as I haven't had any offers since I got pregnant with my last child, so that would be almost 5.5 years now. Has it really been that long? Geez. I wonder if I'd qualify to become a nun now?
I skipped school yesterday and ran errands then slept until time to pick the kiddos up from their respective schools. I was hoping that I'd be over it by now but no such luck. Especially since I have to be in the office for most of this afternoon running month-end reports. I now have a ton of homework to do and since I have to go to the rheumatologist monday I have to hand it all in by Friday. Oh, well. At least the house is clean and I'm making chicken soup for supper. God Bless the inventors of the Crock Pot.
I'd also like to announce that I'm forming a support group for those, like myself, who are addicted to inane quizzes. Like this one:
I didn't like the save what's-her-name site at first. In fact I hated it. I mean, she got herself into loads of debt because she went shopping too much, and now she's begging strangers to help dig her out. Sheesh. Here I am, a single mom with 3 kids, no child support (my ex "doesn't have a job", but he works as a consultant and drives a new car, lives in a huge house, and his new girl has a huge diamond) in danger of being evicted, and my car being repoed. Not because I went shopping too much. But because my ex decided he wanted something younger. And he'd love to help out but he just can't. Meanwhile we are literally a paycheck away from homelessness. And so now, after being reduced to a welfare case and begging bread from the rescue mission, I run across save-what's-her-name. And I'm livid.
But maybe that's how things are today? Maybe if I ask total strangers to send me money, they will. But would I accept it? Probably. Would I feel horrible about it? Definately. Damn. Maybe I need some stronger anti-depressants or something. It just seems like every time I get a little bit ahead I wind up being kicked right back on my butt again.
Anyway, in the spirit of save-what's-her-name I've decided to add a link to my amazon wish list permanately to this site. Actually my wish list is just how I keep track of stuff I want to buy later, but if you wanna buy me something, knock yourself out.
Perhaps, just like what's-her-name I'll keep a running list of everything everbody's sent me. Of course I won't be paying off my credit cards - I only have one and use it about never - I have a $6 credit they keep begging me to use. But I personally think that those of us who do manage to juggle our meager assets and try to make ends meet, who do without alot of stuff and trudge merrily (or not so merrily) on should be rewarded. Not an irresponsible kid like what's-her-name.
And yes, I do know what her name is. I just didn't want to dignify it TOO much.
My middle child got a visit from the tooth fairy last night. For the very first time. We were eating at McD's for lunch yesterday waiting to pick oldest up from work. K2 has had a very wiggly tooth for weeks now. And yesterday it came out while biting into a cheeseburger. Monday we will bring the toothy bag home from class and write a story in the toothy journal about how we lost it. My baby's growing up!!
Now I am taking a break from cleaning my apartment. Every time I clean a room, I turn around and it's a mess again. Oldst is spending the night at a friends and has a rather nasty attitude so I have the distinct we'll be grounded if things don;t improve the minute that kid walks in the door.